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Sunday 10 June 2018

Don't Grow Up Too Quickly, My Darlings

I'm going to hold my hands up and admit I cried over a buggy today. No, it didn't roll over my toes - I sold our travel system. And it felt like the biggest milestone yet.

I know it's just a thing, a machine, a collection of metal bits and pieces but there are some huge memories attached to those spokes. Like how I needed to have the car seat at just the right angle to get it to lift out properly. Of feeling pretty damn pleased with myself for fitting three big bags of food shopping in the basket underneath. Mum's first solo trip with it as a Grandmother, down the road. And how it eventually served to transport two little beating hearts instead of just one (hush now, ovaries. Hush.)

I feel we're at a real turning point in our parenting journey at the moment (I can't believe I just used the term 'journey,' but there it is, sorry). 

My toddler keeps reminding us how much of a little boy he's growing into and my preschooler sits within spitting distance of becoming a proper student. I bought my first school jumper today and I felt like a visitor in a foreign country buying souvenirs for the trip home. Except this time I'm staying.

Both boys are in a consistent bedtime routine and S and I are even considering the possibility of making date nights a more regular occurrence. We're not talking a weekly event here, but even once a month would give us that bit of extra time to recall how it felt to be a couple of people in love, not just parents of children together.

Time is moving on. The boys are growing up. 

We've brought down the potties from the attic and R has christened both to rapturous applause. Soon we'll be transitioning him from his cot to a proper bed and I won't have any babies or toddlers left. No need for nappies or dummies or highchairs or stair gates. O will be in reception; I'll be a school mum. Maybe there'll even be Lego in the house. Somehow Lego feels like a milestone in it's own right.

Every parent knows how bloody irritating it is to be told 'enjoy this time', 'make the most of it', or my particular favourite: 'be grateful'. Like we don't realise how precious this time is and how lucky we are. We know. Trust me, we know. But it's also sometimes really hard to see the poo for the pile of stinky nappies. 

When O just laughs at me when I tell him off or yells the length the supermarket purely because R's in the grip of brotherly love and wants to cuddle him in the shopping trolley. When R has a meltdown at the dinner table. Or when all hell breaks loose because I closed the bathroom door to have a wee (OH MY GOD - I HAVEN'T DIED! I'M STILL HERE!). Or when their bathtime shenanigans lead to an unwelcome hole in the ceiling of my downstairs loo, accompanied by the drip-drip of bathwater through it.

Yes, that actually happened.

But I'm not wishing myself out of it. God, I wouldn't trade my motherhood for all the tea in China, margaritas in Malibu, not even for all the Pringles in Tesco (although I'd be quite tempted). And I know, ten years from now, I'll be sitting in my clean-ish, tidy-ish, change-mat free living room reminiscing about how cute they were, about their chubby ice-cream smeared faces, the way they get their words wrong and how urgently I was needed to join in with their monster chases and superhero rescue missions.

There are so many moments that I wish I could snap with my camera to keep for prosperity but I can't. I can't snap the smell of a freshly washed baby. I can't snap the cheeky one-liners or the acts of brotherly kindness. I can't snap my pride, or a giggle, or a burp or a squeezy cuddle. I can't snap how it feels to be needed. Not just for comfort but for simple things like the tying of a shoelace or the zip of a coat. 

Before I know it, those needs will have vanished, evaporated into the memories of the past. They'll be tying their own laces, making their own breakfast and I'll be superfluous but for wifi passwords and laundry requests. 

Don't let it come too soon. 

I know I said I wanted a lie in and afternoons to myself and adult-only holidays. But I think I can wait just a little bit longer. Not too long, mind. Just a little bit. Just time for one more cuddle.


  1. Such a lovely, moving and poignant post - all inspired by a travel system! That does seem like a big moment and although I moan about the double buggy taking up space in our hallway I'm sure I'll shed a tear or 2 when we say buy to it. Taking time to really notice all the wonderful things they are up to right now (amongst the mayhem!) is so important - thanks for the reminder xx #familyfunlinky

  2. Oh god, ALL the feels. I get it, I really do. They grow up so fast and when they get to school it goes even faster! It seems like only yesterday my little man was crying because I was leaving him at nursery, and now he's coming to the end of his first year at school. If I find that pause button I will let you know. Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales.

  3. Its funny sometimes the things that will trigger an emotional response. I think every parent can relate to this post. We all get these feelings, sometimes at the strangest moments #triumphanttales

  4. I know exactly what you mean - my daughter just turned five and I couldn't hold back the tears because of this and every time someone talks to me about they are starting year 1 in September I literally want to sob! I wonder if this feeling every goes away at any stage of motherhood? Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub with this xoxo

  5. I understand this one too. I got rid of the Moses basket the other day and it made me sad and cuddle my littlest that little bit harder. Such a heartfelt lovely post. But they have to grow 🙁🙁🙁 ‪Thank you for linking up to the #familyfunlinky‬

  6. awww parenthood is so bittersweet but at least they are thrieving that is the silver lining X #thesatsesh

  7. really lovely post. My son is 20 so those days are long gone. I still remember the poignancy of not needing the cot/potty/walker anymore and then not needing a lift when he passed his driving test and all those milestones in between. But joy of joys my step son, our eldest is now a daddy so i get to enjoy it all again as a grandma 9or mam-gu as they say in Wales) #thesatsesh
    PS am with you on the pringles though ;-)

  8. Moments like these unexpectedly tug at the heartstrings. You think nothing of it, but when it comes down to it, it is really hard. But you have even more memories to make in the future.

  9. Popping back for #thesatsesh. A lovely poignant post. Thanks so much for joining us, we always love having your blog linked up. xx

  10. Yes, a lovely post ... the memories do gather and things do pass so fast ... but then there's also the excitement of what is coming up, and what lies ahead ... #thesatsesh

  11. I completely understand this. As much as I want to hold on to them little I'm excited to see them grow!

  12. I really like your writing style. great information. thankyou for posting.
    My toddler