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Monday 29 January 2018

Advice From A Geriatric Me

Time goes so fast. Before you know it, it's evaporated like a wisp of smoke. Sometimes I forget it's 2018. I can still remember worrying about the millennium bug and if Dad was going to get off the phone in time for me to dial up the Internet.

I realise this even more when I glance at my to do list and see items on it initially pencilled in weeks ago. When will I ever be able to tick them off? Then I start to wonder if I'm worrying too much about the future and if I should be more considerate of the here and now.

Advice from 80 year old me

What would an 80 year old me have to say about it? What would she tell me to do? Nobody wants to reach their twilight years full of regret. Maybe now is the time to listen to that older and (I hope) wiser me. But what would she say if she was sat next me, probably giving me that look Mum used to give to me, the one I now give to the boys. The knowing look. The 'I'm making a point' look. I think the first thing she'd tell me to do is:

"Stop worrying about what other people think"

I already tell myself this fairly often, but don't seem to be taking the advice on board. That doesn't bode well, does it, if 80 year old me is still barking it out.

I can't help it. I'm an over-thinker. I read far too much into people's reactions, imagine thoughts they're probably not even thinking and for some reason, always assume the worst.

Stop it. Just, stop it. Chill out. 

I'd then probably have to give Me a gentle poke to wake Me up (I do love a good nap), and out would come the inevitable:

"Drink more water"

I'm very aware I don't drink enough. Actually, that's not 100% accurate. Some days I drink lots - lots of tea and coffee, that is. In my defence it is decaff, but I can still reach the end of the day feeling dehydrated. And it's not good for the colour of my teeth, either.

But I am I the only one who finds water just so boring? And it's winter. Instinctively, a hot drink feels more comforting and satisfying. 

I do envy those people who sit at their desk with a 2 litre plastic bottle though, and have finished it by the end of the working day. I imagine they think nothing of rising an hour early and heading to the gym too. I envy them. They have #goals. I have #stopgettingdehydratedgoals.

"Make more time for your hobbies"

I try, Me. I really do. But with a job and a lengthy commute and two kids under 5 and housework and 'new house' things to fix and keeping the fridge stocked - at the end of the day I'm just plain shattered. When I go to bed at night, I'm out like a baby log wrapped in a warm lavender-scented blanket. I'm gone. 

Part of me laments the fact my dance classes have dropped off, but in truth I'm not sure I was necessarily learning that much any more and the social dances are held much too far away for me to attend now we've moved house.

Stop frowning, Me. I can see that I'm making excuses. I can and should allow an evening a week to do something, anything, just something for me. Whether that's another dance class or starting up something completely new and different. When I've had even just a little time to myself, it makes a massive difference to my energy levels and my enthusiasm. I'm raring to go, much more capable of coping with the monotonous whingeing and raging tantrums emitted from my adorable offspring on an increasingly regular basis.

At this point, having mentioned the boys, I expect Me would get a bit misty-eyed, wistful and mutter something indiscernible regarding my youngest and 'Sophie' from 7B. Hmm.

"Cleanse, tone and moisturise" (And stop pulling your face around like Play-Doh)

I found a wrinkle the other day. One that wasn't there before. An infiltrator. I immediately resolved to be more regimented with my application of age-defying eye cream.

You know what it's like. It's been a long day. You're tired. You just want the makeup off so you can roll into bed and skip joyously into the land of nod. Hence my damaging habit of frantically rubbing my moisturiser in like my bed's going to pick up it's feet and run off if I don't get into it RIGHT NOW. 

But I'm not stupid. I realise there is little point of me buying super-lifting, age-resisting night cream if I'm going to pummel my facial muscles around when applying it. I'm hoping 80 year old Me looks good for her age. I'm under no illusion there'll need to be a certain amount more scooping up and bundling in than presently required, but if I can pass for 75 I'll be happy.

"Write the sodding novel"

I've tried three times so far. Each effort not quite so crap, I think, as it's predecessor. I think I reached an impressive 30,000 words on the first go. Shame it was 30,000 words of crap, leading nowhere, drawing no-one in. That one deserved Microsoft's recycle bin.

Maybe you'd be better off, Me, encouraging me to finish a novel. That would, indeed, be progress.

"Cherish your youth"

When I think of all the adventures I could have (and should have) had before children but didn't, I feel a little bit sad. Sad that I didn't travel as much as I wanted. Sad that I didn't visit places or see events, shows or festivals purely because it all felt a little bit like too much hassle to get to.

If only I'd known what 'hassle' really meant. 'Hassle' is a shopping centre, a buggy and two small humans running in opposite directions forcing you to decide which child you actually love the most. Whilst sweltering in a jumper you wish you'd never worn. In front of snickering strangers.

That's hassle, Dude.

Never mind. Another decade and I won't be able to get them out of bed.

And four more decades after that, I'll be Me.



  1. I sat here nodding away to each point. I really don't look after my skin though, so should really act on that one! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx

  2. Love it and I am bad for the frown, I do not even realise I do it. I must do the stuff I want to and take the time to do it not just think about it #Blogstravaganza

  3. Lovely post. I wish I had travelled more too but recently had my eyes opened to how wonderful it is to travel with children so might, perhaps, possibly, sometime, take the plunge and book us all on a wonderful trip. Anywhere other than the supermarket, doctors' surgery or shopping mall would be good! ;) Thank you for linking up with #Blogstravaganza :)

  4. I also need to take care of my skin and stop worrying about others opinions! These are good things to try and work on before we get too old!
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week!