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Saturday 15 October 2016

I'M A SURVIVOR - Kicking the KIT days ass

I was reminded, very recently, how much of a jungle the working world is. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed popping into work to 'keep in touch'. It was great to see my colleagues, the new revamped offices and to catch up on the latest news. It really is amazing how quickly you slip back into the routine of it all, even in just one day.

However, I must tell you that going into the office after nine months away afforded me a whole new level of appreciation for the following items:
  1. flat shoes
  2. low lighting
  3. dull surfaces
  4. fresh air
  5. Tetley tea (decaffeinated or otherwise). To be fair, the tea out of the snazzy new drinks machine isnt bad - but its not Tetley
  6. comfortable seating
  7. spectacles
  8. quiet roads
  9. leggings, and
  10. spreadsheets that, when you press F9, SODDING CALCULATE.
And I went to the loo unaccompanied. Several times. I'm not saying it was the highlight of my day, but it was definitely up there in the rankings. 

Back to work after maternity leaveSpeaking of freedom, waiting at the drinks machine without a small human being clinging to one leg, forcing me to drag him across the floor Quasimodo-style, was also somewhat liberating. 

It was a bit like when you manage to scrounge some daytime babysitting and get to leave the house on your own. It feels a bit weird just shutting the door, getting in the car and driving away like a normal person, without the to-ing and fro-ing to wrangle your offspring and their baggage out of the goddamn house.

Anyway, I spent part of my morning catching up with a couple of colleagues. With one, I discussed strategies, structures and sales. With the other - moving house, having kids, getting home for bedtime, prime desk locations and the lamentable cost of commuting by rail. A mixed conversational bag, shall we say.

And it was always the same question from those I bumped into: "How's the little one?"

It's okay. I know you can't remember whether I had a girl or boy, or if it was my first, second or even seventh child. But it's fine.

To be honest, I did spend five minutes waiting for 'Greg' to come out of a meeting room, until the real Greg showed up and tapped me on the shoulder, suggesting a coffee in the kitchen.

"Sorry I kept you," he said.

I gave him the old 'only just got here' shrug and smiled. Worked like a charm.

In the afternoon, since I am actually an accountant and was being paid to be there, my boss figured I should do some actual work. Which is fair enough. So I set to, adding and subtracting numbers and stuff (cos that's what accountants do). The trouble was, even though I was quite happy to do some work, my computer wasn't.

The Spreadsheet Fairy had clearly not sprinkled her fairy dust that morning and the running theme was resolutely 'computer says no'.

Tried to calculate a page, it crashed. Reloaded, signed in, calculated - it crashed again. This happened five times, and I was ready to throw the sodding machine out of the window until I broke from my momentary madness and realised I should calm the hell down.

Maybe dealing with a toddlers repeated pleas ("Mummy, Mummy, Mummy. Muuuummy! Mummy! Mummy, Mummy, Mummy! MUUUMMMMY!") and a babies predilection to pooing, then pooing in his newly changed clothes, and then bloody pooing AGAIN, has improved my ability to remain calm and patient.

Those skills came in useful on the way home through rush hour traffic, I can tell you.

But you know what I came to appreciate most at the end of the day? Having S there when I came home. 

And not just because I love him (I know - barf), but because after a long day it meant a helping hand sorting dinner and putting the kids to bed. It sounds harsh, but it's unfortunately true. How the single working mothers and fathers of the world do it every day I do not know. I can only hold my hands up and salute them.

And maybe slurp a small Jack Daniels Honey in their honour.

Iachu Da.

This post first appeared on
Quite Frankly She Said Sunday Best


  1. Great post and good to see you handling the spreadsheet wows so well. And yes the making a drink and going to the loo on your own 😀 #sundaybest

  2. Love this! Going to the loo alone would definitely be the highlight of my day, I can only dream of that! Thanks for linking up to #SundayBest x

  3. A great read. I will be going back in January and have a mixture of dread and delight for some of the reasons you have shared. The going to the toilet alone is definitely a highlight Lucy

    1. Ah good luck for your return, i'm back in Jan too. I'm predicting a perkiness threshold of a week before the 'oh christ I'm back here' kicks in! For myself that is - I wouldnt want to assume! ;-)