Sunday, 18 September 2016

Eeny Meeny Miny... Me?

"Enjoying your coffee?"

I look up from my phone and re-cross my legs at the bar in Frankie and Benny's.

I'm alone, but it's okay. Having had an afternoon 'off' from parenting, I've rejoiced in the freedom of catching a movie and am now enjoying the prospect of finishing a hot coffee before heading home.

The waitress parks her tray on the bar and smiles, as I nod enthusiastically.

"Yes thanks."

Something about the question unnerves me. Had it been followed with "so, what do you do," I'm not sure how I would have answered. If I was still commuting to the office five days a week, the answer would have been straightforward. But I'm not. Technically, I'm still employed, but what I do now is far less easy to describe.

So what am I?


Am I a dreary-eyed mother with a babe in arms, a sick-stained muslin across my shoulder and a change bag packed and prepared for any eventuality? Am I nothing but a Calpol-bearing, tissue-wielding, potty-swilling mother with aching muscles and inexhaustible kisses? 

Well, yes. Even when I go back to work, I'll still be there for cuddles and bedtime stories and first steps and bike rides and, well... everything else. I'll be a mother till I die.

But shouldn't I also include 'loving wife' in my answer? With a roast in the oven and slippers on the radiator? Am I a secret-keeping, pillow-warming, burden-sharing wife, who records his favourite programmes and plays companion at his cricket do? 

Yes I am that. But I also think times have changed enough that I'm a little more than just 'Mrs Daddy Wales.' Just as he is more than 'Mr Mummy Wales.' Nah. That's definitely not an answer.

So, okay. What's next? Surely my profession must come into the bargain. I spent numerous years studying at evenings and weekends, sitting exams and burning out calculators to be able to call myself 'qualified'. So, is that it? Am I a number-crunching, deadline-beating, report-churning, decision-facilitating accountant? Do I talk the jargoned talk and walk the high-heeled walk? 

Again, yes. But have I even thought about the matching principle since I went on maternity leave? Nope.

Could I describe myself as a Charleston-strolling, lindy-turning, tuck-spinning dancer? Am I a follower to a leader, a half to a whole? Does the fact that the music makes my blood run fast, my neurons fire and my heart leap, mean I can call myself a dancer? 

I'm certainly not a professional, despite my recent foray into performing as part of a troupe. Fast-forward a few years and who knows where I'll be, but right now I can only call it a hobby.

Given my blogging endeavours and other writing what-nots, am I a pen-twiddling, paper-scrunching, forehead-tapping writer? She who edits, and re-edits, and then re-edits again, grasping at inspiration and doodling in the dead of night?

I ain't no published novelist - I haven't even completed a paid review yet. Give me time, though. I only started blogging three months ago so I'm still climbing that learning curve. And though I can't claim a bestseller, I'm giving it my best shot.

So, what am I?

Right now, I'm intermittently writing a blog post, in between searching for the ladder to my toddlers miniature fire engine, and frantically YouTubing the moves to the 'Stew' for my first dance training session. Oh, and trying to remember the sodding passcode to my work phone in advance of my KIT day.

All to the soundtrack of "D-O-R-A...", and the smell of a pasta bake.

Pink Pear Bear

8 comments:

  1. I like your post, your reflections on who you are and where you're headed..With lots I can relate..

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  2. Such a refreshingly honest post, thoughts I'm sure many of us have on an almost daily basis. Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

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    1. Thanks for the comment! My thoughts kinda ran away with me writing this one but glad you enjoyed it. :-)

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  3. A great post - I'm sure so many of us feel like this as newish mothers!

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  4. A great post - I definitely relate to this! So many 'versions' of you when you become a mum!

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